Earthquakes

I live in pretty much the middle of Oklahoma. We don't usually have earthquakes around these parts, except the thing is we have been having A LOT of earthquakes around these parts lately. In a week we have had four. I have felt every single one of them, one which woke the whole house up in the early hours of the morning. The magnitude has ranged from 2.8 to the largest yesterday a 4.0. Up until about 3 months ago I had never felt an earthquake, I didn't even realize Oklahoma had a fault line. I've lived here my whole life and not one shake had I felt. In the past three months we have had probably a dozen or more. They are quite un-nerving especially when they happen in the dead of the night. I would like them to stop now.

With that said the measly 4.0 that I experienced yesterday was NOTHING compared to the 7.0 that Haiti experienced. There was no damage here to anything but nerves, no loss of life. However, the story is much different in Haiti. People are dying, are dead, have lost everything, children are missing, hurt, going hungry. The people of Haiti are getting desperate, they have no where to lay their dead, or their own head for that matter.

So when I received and e-mail from the March of Dimes allowing me to donate via text I jumped on that. It was super easy and quick and so needed. Below is the information needed to text a donation. I vouch for the March of Dimes as I have be raising funds for them for several years now. I myself used this number to text and it's valid and they give you a chance to back out of it before it is finalized. Five bucks is a cup of coffee to us, it could be used for so much more in the effort to help the Haitian people.

The March of Dimes is always working to help mothers and babies. If you want to donate immediately, text the word BABY to 20222 and your phone will be charged $5.00 for a donation to the March of Dimes.

This is the link to the March of Dimes page explaining what they plan to do with the donations.

Karter's Procedure Tomorrow.

Tomorrow we have to be at the hospital at 9:00 and his procedure is scheduled for 11:00. I'm getting a little nervous. I don't think anything is going to happen but the thoughts keep creeping in my mind. Thoughts like what if this is the last time we eat out together or what if this was the last time I tuck him into bed. I'm trying not to let these thoughts creep in but I suppose they are normal to some extent, especially for a parent who's kid is going under anesthesia tomorrow.

As I type this Jimmy is searching PDA ligation's and Occluders for the umpteenth time. Of course we research everything to death, thankfully Jimmy has not found a bad case yet.

I'm taking my laptop to the hospital tomorrow and if they have good internet there I'll try to do updates as I can.

Good thoughts and prayers are welcome.

Confession Time

I have phobia's. To be more precise I have a phobia of driving places that I don't know how to get to even if I follow someone or if I would get to go to some place really cool. If it involves driving in a busy city where there is lots of room for error I won't go, unless someone else drives.

When my brother called and asked me earlier this week if I would like to go to the Omniplex with him and his wife and Collin, as soon as the words left his mouth I thought how would I get there? His car does not have enough room for all of us and neither does mine. My mother has the same phobia, which I believe it where I learned it from. Anyway, I wanted to go but knew that because of my fears unless someone else drove then I would not be going along. Yesterday, his wife called to see if I would be going. I had thought all week about it and thought to myself that I should beat this fear and just follow them, but I couldn't. I'm not sure what I'm exactly afraid of, but now that I have kids I certainly don't want to take chances. I think mostly I'm afraid of getting lost or not knowing where to go and being so indecisive that I might cause an accident. Now most people, my family included, would say well you just pull over and regroup, figure out where you are and then move on. I say to this the thought of even having to do this is anxiety inducing.

Now with all that said I have faced my fears many times before, I have driven hundreds of miles, with my brother, who also has this phobia to some existent, to visit our mom in Indiana when she lived there. I have also driven to the east end of the our state to visit my mom when she lived there as well. I made it safely I didn't get lost, no one got hurt and I didn't have to be admitted to any hospitals for panic attacks, thankfully.

I believe this is a learned behavior from my mother who got it from her mother. Our family can have anxious tendencies sometimes. With that said I hope to break this cycle with my kids. I don't want them to be afraid to do something so simple as drive someplace and someplace cool at that.

I have gotten better, lots better especially since our move recently. I'm driving places that once were anxiety inducing to me. I hope to one day be able to go anywhere I want by driving there myself. Until then I'll stay a little more close to home.

PDA Part II (Patent Ductus Arterious)

We have heard from the doctor who examined Karter, via e-mail. She has informed us that she has consulted with the doctor that will be doing the procedure. The doctor that it would be the same risk weather we do it now or next summer and he prefers to do it this summer, so his office will be calling us to set up the first round of appointments.

Jimmy has found a website that explains what the procedure involves and all the risks.

To find our more information click here.

PDA

Karter's appointment with the cardiologist was this morning. They did an EKG and a echocardiogram. They found that Karter has a PDA or Patent Ductus Arteriosus. This is very common in preemies and is usually diagnosed while still in the NICU, however for some reason ours wasn't. I remember the doctors speaking to us about PDA's and I can only assume we were lead to believe all was well or we just didn't remember to ask about it again. The cardiologist says that sometimes they just leave them alone until the child is older and stronger to treat the problem. You know here's were the instinct things comes into play again. Two weeks ago when we visited his Pediatrician I began racking my brain to try to figure out what it could be, the only thing I could come up with, and I'm not doctor mind you, it that it was an undiagnosed PDA. I said this several times to Jimmy and even researched it. I just knew this is what he had. As the doctor began to tell us what she thought it was, I asked, are we dealing with a PDA and she said yes she believed so. She thought that it has always been there, while I think it has always been there I wonder if it has always been so easily detected by stethoscope. He has had his heart listened to at every doctor visit by every doctor and no one up until recently has said anything about it. The cardiologist said that sometimes murmurs go undetected for awhile due to it just being plane ole loud in the exam room.

While we were not to fond of the doctors bedside manner, I am confident in her skills. Thankfully she will not be doing his procedure. Speaking of procedure he will be having a heart catheterization either before the Summer's end or next Summer. It will all depend on the doctor whom will be doing the procedure. We have yet to speak to him as the Cardiologist need to speak with him first and give him all details and test results, but we should know something shortly.

While I don't really want Karter or us for that matter to have to deal with any of this, I'm thankful that it's not something worse. We don't need to limit his activity and we don't have to worry about it messing with any electrical parts of his heart, at this point anyway. If it were to be undiagnosed for a very long time then those things might come into play.

Thank you for all your prayers and well thoughts. God is good.

I think the TERRIBLE TWO's are offically here.

OH MY GOODNESS!! What have we done, Jimmy and I, having kids and all, you know kids that just turned two and have discovered that indeed they do have an opinion and they do want to assert it. Sometimes they want to assert it at 1, 2 or 3 in the morning and loudly waking each other up.

I was reading on Lesley's site how her kiddos are giving her a hard time. I think she wished the bug away and it landed in my home. Both boys have been super crabby at times and each at separate times have had trouble sleeping. On Tuesday night Kolton evidently laid awake in his bed for an hour and thirty mins, listening to daddy mow. I didn't know he was awake and when I went in to check on him he stood up stated "daddy mow, neighbors, I get out". At that point I didn't quite know what to do. I felt sorry for him laying awake that long all by himself in his room, but on the other hand he was not crying. I recently read a post on Eva's blog about not knowing what to do sometimes. I felt like on the one hand I should get him out but on the other if I did he might think this is going to be a routine thing. So of course I got him out and he waited up until daddy came in and went to bed shortly after. The next night they both threw a fit at 1:00am and it took us an hour to get them back to sleep, one at a time. This whole week someone has woken up at least once a night. That someone last night was Kolton and then the dog wanting out. It's been a very busy week to say the least.

Just a side note. I started this post 4 days ago and am just now getting it finished, that's how busy it's been.

Doing Ok.

We're doing OK here. Karter seems to be just fine running around like normal, eating normal, doing normal stuff. We tried very hard last week to get him in for at least an EKG sooner so we could at least know something more than he has a murmur on the right side of his heart. I got out my stethoscope that I have had for years the other night. I listened to his heart myself and I, with my untrained ear could hear the murmur. You know, I have to believe that had the doctor felt his life was in danger we would have been sent to Children's Hospital that day. I even asked the doctor if I had to worry that he was just going to "drop dead". He assured me no, but really how do we know. He didn't give us a diagnosis, he didn't tell us this was something minor and he would be fine. He did tell me that the x-ray didn't look bad, but there was some enlargement. I'm not sure he knows what he has done. Not just to me but really to my husband who was not at the appointment, didn't get the assurance from the doctor and didn't get his questions answered. Normally he could have called that night or the next day, but our doctor was leaving for two weeks the next day.

All kinds of bad things start going through your head. Such bad things as will these be the last days with Karter? Will he eventually need a heart transplant, will he die? So you do what any parent does and search then Internet, but you don't really have enough information so your see all kinds of scary things that basically say it's bad, it's all bad. It's awful that you can't get in to see the doctor sooner, what if something happens between now and then and if he had been seen sooner it could have been prevented. What if, What if, What if.... I hate that game. I played it already when they were in the NICU. I've already seriously thought about my kids dying. I've already watched them struggle to breath. I don't want to do anything like that EVER again.

Then the question comes. Why me, Why us, Why Karter. All this because we don't have answers. We won't until Aug 4th when they will do an echo cardiogram.

I have Faith that all is and will be fine. All I have is Faith right now because I sure don't have any answers.

It may sound like I'm having a really hard time dealing with this right now, but the truth is for now I'm dealing with it fine. That's the way I cope. I deal with it while I'm in the midst of it and it's when it's over that is when I have the hardest time.

I truly feel he will be fine, whether it be nothing big or whether he need some sort of medication. I know he and Kolton have Angels looking over them, and I continued to pray as I did that day in the NICU beside their isolette that God continue to keep them safe and those Angels continue to watch over them their whole life.

Today I had to take Kolton to the Urgent Care because he woke up with a rash all over his body and a fever. He had started getting the rash in the waiting room on Monday when I took Karter to the doctor. I showed him while we were there, but it was only on his stomach. The doctor said it looked fine nothing to worry about but to keep an eye on it. Well it came and went all week. It didn't seem to itch him and he was fine, not running a fever or anything. Today he looked awful when he woke up, had it all over his face, stomach, some on his legs and back. They tested him for strep, which was negative. They are testing for strep A but that takes several days to come back, so for now we have to give him Zyrtec and Benadryl for the rash. His fever stayed gone until the Tylenol wore off so before bed he got another dose of that. Through it all he has continued to act like he has felt OK so we shall see.

Trust your Instincts.

I have been worried for Karter for about two weeks now. For the first week of it I just dismissed it as some hormonal thing on my part. As the next week moved on I was still worried about him and began asking my husband if he was worried and if he thought he was ok. I had no reason to think anything was wrong at this point other than I suspected he may have an ear infection. He woke up one morning with a low grade fever. It hung around all day and would go down when I gave him Tylenol. The next morning it was gone, however he still kept touching one of his ears. Last Sunday when I got him out of bed in the morning, I thought his lips looked a little blue, but he seemed fine and took off running so I kinda dismissed it at maybe he was cold as it was a little chilly in the house. I asked Jimmy if he thought his lips looked blue and he said yes, but Karter had just put on some of my blue chapstick, I still though it was something other than that, but I kept an eye on him and he seemed fine. Other than the mild fever one day and the ear thing, and being supper cranky for a few days I really had no other concern, but I still had an underlining worry. I decided I would call the doctor on Monday and have his ears check and mention to the doctor that I thought his lips looked blue. I didn't get that far. As Dr. C began his exam he stopped and kept listening to his heart. I of course asked "what's the matter" and the doctor asked if he had previously had a murmur.

He begins to look through his charts and all his info says no murmurs. I know one of the boys had a slight murmur in the NICU but we were told it has resolved itself before we left. All exams to this point has not indicated a murmur. It is at this time that I tell him I thought his lips looked blue yesterday. He sends us to get an x-ray and results show that Karter has some enlargement on his right side. We now need to see a pediatric cardiologist. We can't get in until Aug. 4th which for a parent that is scared and doesn't know what is wrong is a very long time. I asked the doctor if I needed to limit his activity, or rush him to the ER if his lips turn blue again. He answered no to all of these. I then asked if he was just going to drop dead and he assured me he was not. However, I don't know much about the heart other than it's what makes you live or die so it's very scary.

I know I have awesome readers. I ask that you please keep Karter in your thoughts and prayers as we take yet another journey in parent hood.

Day 15

Something must be in the air today, every baby in the room kept desating at some point or another. No one got too excited about it but alarms where going off in unison. It has been said that the barometric pressure could play a roll in their desating. I was holding Kolton when he did it once and it got kinda of scary, he didn't come up all that fast, well not fast enough for me, but the nurse once again said it was all very normal. Hubby asked the Doctor if they run the risk of cerebral palsy or another defect from the desating but she said no because they don't do it very long and if it goes too long, the nursed intervene with oxygen. It mostly happens when they are eating which we have been told is normal as well. I sure will be glad when this is all over and they are home and doing good. I am a little concerned with them doing something like that when we get them home, but I keep reading and the nurses keep saying, they don't go home until they have not had any episodes of desating or bradycardia for a while.

Day 14

Today they are 2 weeks old. Tomorrow they will be 32 weeks old. They are becoming more alert now, both flinging their arms and legs around, both gaining weight (Karter 3lb 1oz, Kolton 2lb 15oz), and both waking up at feeding time, which is every three hours. This is good, this means they are more alert and aware that it is time to eat. Kolton loves to suck his binky when he eats and man does he suck it, I have no doubt that when it's time to try the bottle he will have it down pat. Kolton is still breathing room air on his own. Karter is still on just a "puff" of oxygen, that's what the Doctor calls it. We look forward to the day he catches up with his brother and breaths room air on his own as well. So, they are still doing really good and we have been told that if we reach 32 weeks with no problems then more than likely we are out of the woods, that's good.

Day 11

Today was a very good day for them both. Kolton is breathing room air on his own. No nose cannula! Today made his second day without the cannula. Karter has been weaned almost to room air and the nurse said that it should be only a matter of days before he is breathing room air with no cannula as well. They are learning how to suck. At feedings they place tiny little pacifiers in their mouths and they suck on those, it's so cute. We have been getting to have plenty of kangaroo care time. I held Karter yesterday and Kolton today and Hubby held Karter today when he got there after work. The nursed offered to let me hold them both this morning but I knew that Hubby wanted to hold today so although it was hard I only held one. It's hard to choose which one, but I alternate back and forth and eventually I will hold them both at the same time.

We have also been getting in plenty of diaper changing time. I have even cleaned several poop diapers today. I never knew that at some point in my life I would be excited that my kids pooped, but it is very important for as early as they are to make sure everything works correctly.

Day 6

Today they moved them into the same bed and into another room, one that is a little more laid back it seems, which makes me nervous because I want to make sure someone is right there if something goes wrong. I have been assured there will be. They mostly got moved because they were the most stable in the other room and they were needing the space for a critical patient that was coming in.

Kolton is still having several Bradycardia which they keep saying is very normal and he will grow out of, but scary none the less because he basically stops breathing for a few seconds and if no one gets to him then well I suppose he could die. The nurses don't seem to terribly concerned about it and he usually recovers himself but I want him to stop it. Jimmy and I got to hold them while the nurse changed the bedding. Jimmy held Kolton and I held Karter that was the first time Kolton had been held by one of us. We are taking it day by day with the close of the night, pray that the next day will bring good news.

I don't know about you, but I think they might be glad they are back together. Sorry about the quality of the one pic, but Kolton is still under light therapy for Jaundice and poor Karter had to wear that helmet again becasue of it. He just got his taken off the other day.