Tornado's

On Monday, Oklahoma had multiple tornado's. As a matter of fact a tornado hit in just about every town that I have family in. Some towns got hit worse than others, my town included. I'd been keeping an eye on the weather all day because it just had that feeling. If you don't live where there are tornado's you probably don't know what feeling I'm talking about. The air just has a feeling to it. Anyway, right after I finished cooking dinner the siren's sounded. It was raining and the wind was whipping around and we had a muddy walk to the cellar. Kolton was fine but Karter was none to happy about the disruption in his dinner time routine.

I had put the rest of our dinner in ziplock baggies right before we headed to the cellar, a) because we were hungry and b) I thought it might keep the boys minds off of being in the cellar. It was unpleasent to say the least we were all drenched and covered in red mud. Do I need to remind you I HATE red mud! We will be fixing that problem as soon as possible. After about 20 mins we were able to get out of the cellar. I knew that our house was ok because I didn't hear anything getting ripped apart, but I was able during the storm to text and talk on my cell from the cellar. That is until the lines got jammed but I was able to let everyone know we were ok.

 

Kolton is chewing some food.

The Loves store 5.5 miles from my house was not. Along with homes in the path of the tornado in my town and the next 4 over.

We drove around just a bit and took some pictures of the devastation that is a tornado. These are just a few there where many more some far worse that we could not get to due to the roads being blocked.

My cousin's house in another town was totaled . Tornado's are scary stuff and the tornado season has just started.

I Feel Sick and Very Sad.

I've been reading this ladies blog for a year or more. I found her while searching for other preemie moms who had blogs. I followed and prayed while her daughter was in and out of the hospital. I looked at family pictures of her other two children and husband. I worried about this little girl, I didn't have a good feeling. My sixth sense, that has never been wrong, was telling me that something was very, very wrong and I worried the little girl might die. So when I couldn't get to her blog for several days, I worried that she might have passed or her family was being threatened since she made no secrete to her last name or where she was at. So with a worried feeling I googled the daughter's name and was sickened and saddened to find that the little girls own mother was the one making her so sick.

I realize that the mother is sick and needs serious help, but she almost killed that little girl and her other two children who I'm sure love her dearly are losing their mother and her husband how shocked he must be. It's all very sad and proof that you never really know what's going on in someones life or behind someones computer screen.

Of course her blog is private now, but this is what I found when I searched the daughters name.

http://www.kxan.com/dpp/mobile/McDonald_was_a_hospital_volunteer

Condolences

Rev Jimmy Leon Green

Rev. Jimmy Leon GreenAug. 12, 1949 — April 23, 2009Rev. Jimmy Leon Green, age 59, of Duncan, died Thursday, April 23, 2009, at OU Medical Center in Oklahoma City.Funeral services will be at Immanuel Baptist Church, Duncan, at 10 a.m. Tuesday, April 28, 2009, with the Rev. Robert G. Willis and the Rev. David Hale officiating. Interment will be at Resthaven Memorial Gardens, under the direction of Don Grantham Funeral Home.The family will receive friends at the funeral home 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. Monday.Jimmy was born on Aug. 12, 1949 in Okemah, Okla., the son of Cecil Raymond and Betty (Cook) Green. He married Deborah J. Bulla on Dec. 14, 1968 in Okemah.Jimmy served in the United States Air Force. He has, for the past 16 years, been the pastor of City Heights Baptist Church. Jimmy formerly served at Rexroat Baptist Church in Wilson and Grace Baptist Church and Lakeside Baptist Church in Duncan. He also lead numerous revivals for other churches.Survivors include his wife, Deborah, of the home; two sons: Michael B. Green and wife Kathy of Duncan, and Christopher L. Green of Vienna, Austria; four sisters, Janice Nail, Judy Ipock and husband James, Jeannie Dennis and husband Hobart, all of Okemah, and Joy Williams and husband Gary of Seminole, Okla.; two brothers, Jerry Green and wife Virginia of Holdenville, Okla. and John Green and wife Julie of Seminole; two grandchildren: Abbey Green and her mother, Shannon Archer, and Alexus Green; his father-in-law and mother-in-law, Rev. Teddie B. and Billie J. Bulla, all of Duncan and numerous nieces, nephews, cousins and friends.He was preceded in death by his parents.Pallbearers will be: Jimmy Ipock, Joey Ipock, Justin Griffin, Curtis Green, Kevin Green, Kenny Green.Honorary bearers will be: Charlie Brown, Jack Green, Rick Lang, Mike Johnson, Monty Miller, Rev. Ben Shirley, Rev. Tracy Wilson, Danny Burton, Dewayne Franklin.In lieu of flowers, the family has requested donations be made to: City Heights Baptist Church: 407 S. 12th, Duncan, OK 73533 or The OU Medical Center - Trauma One Center, 700 NW 13th Street Oklahoma City, Okla. 73104.Online condolences may be made at: http://www.granthamfuneralhomes.com/ or a blog site in his honor at http://jimmygreenmemorial.wordpress.com/

People, I'm Not Making This Stuff Up. I Swear!

I'm sitting I'm my bed as I type this, watching an American Idol that I had DVR'ed. The significance of that is I had real concern that my house would not be here today.

We got home yesterday evening around 5:30 or so after being out all day and way from the tv. There was smoke in the not far off distance, but it quickly began moving our way. We stepped out onto the porch as the air filled with more smoke to see if we could see how close it was. A police officer pulled into our drive way and told us to evacuate, the fire was coming and it was moving fast in our direction. We scrambled to gather a few things important to us, such as the server with all our pics, our laptops and a few hard copy photos, and all our animals except one cat and hit the road. We went to a friends first, but had to move from their as well.

The fires were everywhere, the smoke was thick and we had a car full of animals and kids and junk. And I was stressed.

We have a friend that's a vet, my ex-employer actually. He said bring our animals to the clinic to board so we headed to our old town to the clinic and then my mom's house. My brother was there as well with his family and animals, he only lives a mile or so from me and his house was in danger as well.

We got a hotel room as my mom' s house was already full and I stayed awake most of the night not knowing if I would return to a house or not.

I kept asking Jimmy if this was all some bad dream. This past week as been incredibly crazy. I've been in the hospital, my dad has been in the hospital and now my house very possibly could burn to the ground, and the next day we would be closing on our old house that had been on the market for almost a year.

Do you know what's it like to wonder if you would have a house to come back to? So NOT cool. Thankfully we got everyone and everything out that truly mattered.

I of course was worrying about all the horses and my cat that are around out house.

Today we arrived home to a house still standing, but it was close. Embers had ignited some landscaping up against the house in two places and the creek next to our house it completely burned. Our trailer that we had filled with junk from out old house is all burnt up. The fires burned very hot and those housed that did burn are burnt to the ground with only fireplaces still standing.

Across the street from us and several houses down the houses were completely burnt to the ground. We are incredibly lucky. Someone or something was watching over us!

We do have several stray horses running the fence lines behind our house. It was reported that the firefighters just begun cutting fences to allow the horses some type of escape. They seem to be fine and hopefully their rightful owners will find them soon. My scrappy country cat also came up out of the burnt creek covered in ash but with no burns.

So on this fine day with our house and lives in tack, I'm not asking what else could happen because quite frankly I'm afraid of the answer.

Before the fire, out our back door.

Out our front door, before we were evacuated.

Some of the landscaping that caught fire and was put out by someone.

Our trashed trailer.

The creek and the fence in our back yard.

The other end of our house.

I Think I'm Gonna Die! (Potty Training Part 2)

I watched my nephew Collin for a few hours on Saturday.

Not really. Well, maybe. I'm trying to potty training again. I tried it four months or so ago and it went good for a week and then they gave up and so did I. I have to tell you I did not look forward to this, it is going exactly how I expected it would and it's killing me.

Karter and my Ipod. Check out the way he thinks they go on your ears.

Karter and more digital equipment. Our old camera.

This is right up there with when you first come home with twins and you have to figure out how to care for both of them at the same time. You get really frustrated, and overwhelmed, unlike when they are babies and they just cry, which is overwhelming in it's self, now they run around and pee on stuff.

Kolton coloring. He has been doing a lot of this lately.

Kolton and his scratched up face. He did this in his sleep.

It's exhausting trying to keep up with them and to go to the bathroom every 30 mins. and to wait on them to go to make sure the other one is not peeing everywhere. We tried pull ups but they think they are diapers and the minuet you put them on them they poop or pee in them, so we are having to go straight to underwear.

I know it sounds lazy, but seriously changing diapers is so much easier. Easier on my time, my sanity, and my back trying pull their pants up and down. Tomorrow will be day three. I'm not sure how that's going to go because my mom is supposed to come over and we planned on going out and about. I don't want to give up so soon, but holy cow, I don't care what anyone says having twins is so hard sometimes.

American Idol-Church Edition

I signed up for the Christmas Church Choir, we have had 2 practices so far. I always go into new things feeling insecure and unsure of my abilities but I trudge on knowing that in the end I will be glad I moved forward. With that said last night really tested those insecurities. We were placed in our respective groups, Men in men section, women divided up into alto's and soprano's, I can sing both but was put into the soprano's. I haven't sang in public or in a group setting for years. The first practice was good, no one really knew what was going or or what was expected.

The second practice was better until the person beside me got up and moved. She actually moved to another seat two rows behind me. Now, here is where my insecurities kick in. I admit I was listening to her to hear our part mostly because I was sitting in between her and the beginning of the alto's. I could hear both parts and wanted to make sure I was singing the right keys. And then she moved, leaving a seat empty between the lady next to her and me. After about 10 mins or so the lady on the other side of her voiced her concern that it was her that had made the lady move. Really, who knows why she moved. Maybe it was me, maybe it was the lady on her other side and maybe it was neither of us, but I was surprised at how quickly I assumed it was me.

I felt much like those American Idol contestants who just know they can sing and then are told quit frankly that they cannot only sing, but they sing horrible, the worst they have ever heard. And here's where I get a little confident. I know I can sing. It has been confirmed many times by credible sources. Not just my parents and friends, but a college establishment who gave me a scholarship for my first two years of college to sing in their college contemporary band. A college won't just give you money for their school and tell you to represent them if you can't sing.

So I will continue knowing I can sing but being insecure and unsure of myself right until the Christmas choir is over.

Boo

I feel saddened and somewhat scared for our nation. Obviously the election did not turn out as I had hoped. All I have to say it Boo and I have many prayers to pray.

Germies and RSV Worries.

Sorry for the lapse in posting. It's been busy around here and I've been tired and when I could have posted I opted to instead watch one of the many shows that have been piling up on the DVR.

If you've been reading my blog for a year or more or if you are a preemie mom you will understand what I'm about to write about.

It's RSV time again. Can I here a collective yuck? Anyway, for the past two years we have had to be very careful with who the boys are around. Sick people and children were a big no, no and we avoided most public places. Last year was not as severe as the first year of their lives. The first year we literally didn't take them anywhere but to the doctor, that sucked big time.

This year is the first year the boys will be going more places during winter, more specifically this is the first year that the boys will be in a setting with other children, the nursery at church. This makes me nervous. Since they boys won't go into the nursery alone yet, I've been going in with them. This has allowed me not only to interact with the children in the nursery but it has also allowed me to see just how other children play and interact. What I'm really trying to say is it's allowed me to see all the sick children and how often kids put things in their mouth or rub their noses and eyes. While in there I've not yet seen really sick kids, just a little runny nose here and there, but kids have those alot, I'm assuming that most parents are responsible and if they know their children are sick they won't knowingly bring them in and expose them to the other children. The problem with RSV is that it mimics a cold to an extent and you don't always know what it is. To most people RSV is no big deal, but once again being a preemie mom it is drilled into us when we bring our babies home just how dangerous it can be to preemie lungs. While, the boys lungs seem to be fine, I still don't want it. Kolton has asthma and RSV could be harder on him. Karter had BPD and although he does not have asthma he still has some scaring on his lungs and I supposed that could affect him as well.

So, basically what I'm saying is I don't want the boys to get RSV, I worked really hard the past two years for them not to get it, but knowing what I know it is very highly likely that this could be the year they get. They will be out in public more and they will be around children more. While I do think it's very important to get on with our lives, I am amazed yet again just how much having preemies has affected me.

Do you think I could talk the nursery staff and kids to use my hand sanitizer that I carry or better yet get a huge bottle and place it just inside the church doors and to enter everyone has to sanitize? Because folks it's that time again, time for those words that annoy you so. Please use the hand sanitizer.

To all the preemie moms just starting this journey, I feel your pain.

Help!?!?

Please tell me it's just a phase they are going through and my kids will resume taking naps shortly. I so looked forward to the hour to two hours I had each day to do stuff that needed to be done or to do nothing at all but stare at the tv or the walls. I NEEEEEEDED that time, I WANT that time.

Now the minute I lay Kolton down he screams which in turn keeps Karter a wake and an hour to an hour and 1/2 later I still have two kids that are awake. Say it ain't so!

Today-Not So Good.

Today has been a not so good day. I find myself being a little short with the kids today. Not bad but my tolerance for their shenanigans is a little lower than usual. I don't know if it's due to my back hurting today and dealing with that pain or if it's because they have been so dang busy lately.

I've told Karter countless times today not to stand in the pot/pan drawer and not to push the buttons on the stove(I have the buttons locked to he can't turn on the stove).

Both have been so whiny today.

It's raining here today and one of the dogs popped on the front porch and I had to clean that up.

Then the topping on the cake happened. I was laying on the couch, to try to stretch my back and wait for the boys to come out of the other room. Kolton came in and climbed on top of my stomach he began to hop up and down. I told him that it was hurting mommy and he needed to stop. He continued and I told him again that is was hurting mommy, all the while he is laughing. As I was about to sit up to make him stop he kicks me in the nose and mouth. I hear a crack and my nose starts to bleed. What do I do? I start to cry. I have never cried when one of the boys has hurt me before, but this really, really hurt and on top of the hurt that my back is causing, I just started to cry. Neither boy has really seen me cry before. Karter didn't really seem to care and though Kolton looked a little concerned he still thought it was funny. At this point I try to tell Kolton he hurt me and he laughs. I then popped his leg and instantly felt bad. His lip puckered a little then he was fine.

I went to the bathroom where I cleaned up then had Kolton sit on the couch. I apologized for popping his leg and gave him a hug and explained that he hurt mommy. Kolton seems to be fine. I on the other hand have a swollen sore nose and sore teeth. Not to mention I feel bad for losing my cool with him.

Something I never thought I would have to do.

Dig a pair of key out of the toilet, when there is poop in it.

This resulted in one boy screaming bloody murder because his keys are not in the toilet and the other boy looking very, very guilty and concerned.

Confession Time

I have phobia's. To be more precise I have a phobia of driving places that I don't know how to get to even if I follow someone or if I would get to go to some place really cool. If it involves driving in a busy city where there is lots of room for error I won't go, unless someone else drives.

When my brother called and asked me earlier this week if I would like to go to the Omniplex with him and his wife and Collin, as soon as the words left his mouth I thought how would I get there? His car does not have enough room for all of us and neither does mine. My mother has the same phobia, which I believe it where I learned it from. Anyway, I wanted to go but knew that because of my fears unless someone else drove then I would not be going along. Yesterday, his wife called to see if I would be going. I had thought all week about it and thought to myself that I should beat this fear and just follow them, but I couldn't. I'm not sure what I'm exactly afraid of, but now that I have kids I certainly don't want to take chances. I think mostly I'm afraid of getting lost or not knowing where to go and being so indecisive that I might cause an accident. Now most people, my family included, would say well you just pull over and regroup, figure out where you are and then move on. I say to this the thought of even having to do this is anxiety inducing.

Now with all that said I have faced my fears many times before, I have driven hundreds of miles, with my brother, who also has this phobia to some existent, to visit our mom in Indiana when she lived there. I have also driven to the east end of the our state to visit my mom when she lived there as well. I made it safely I didn't get lost, no one got hurt and I didn't have to be admitted to any hospitals for panic attacks, thankfully.

I believe this is a learned behavior from my mother who got it from her mother. Our family can have anxious tendencies sometimes. With that said I hope to break this cycle with my kids. I don't want them to be afraid to do something so simple as drive someplace and someplace cool at that.

I have gotten better, lots better especially since our move recently. I'm driving places that once were anxiety inducing to me. I hope to one day be able to go anywhere I want by driving there myself. Until then I'll stay a little more close to home.

Scars

Sometimes when I see them I cry. My babies have scars, on their feet and hands all as a result of their early birth and the life saving techniques to save them. Sure they could have worse, for instance having a scar do to a life saving surgery, luckily and by the grace of God they did not have to have anything like that, but they are scars none the less put their by lots of pokes by needles. They don't know they are there, they don't even care but when I think about it, it makes me sad. This scar on Kolton's foot is a result of many heel pricks for blood gases. I remember how bad it looked and how sore it looked as well, they were unable to get the amount needed so he had to be poked and re poked.

Karter has four or five scars along his little hands where the IV lines were. I have them as well, where my IV lines where when I went into the hospital in pre-term labor. It funny how one experience can leave more than one kind of scar. For me there is an emotional scar and a physical scar. I hope both fade over time.

One Day at a time......

It's a song that is quiet appropriate in this situation. Most days are better than others, today I had a rough day. Kolton is anemic, his anemia is very likely causing his eating issues that he has been having. The treatment for this is a blood transfusion, which is very normal for preemies, this will actually make his second one. I do not wish this situation on anyone, I am very grateful that my babies have done so well, however when you hear one of them cry a heartbreaking cry because they are getting stuck over and over again because no one can get the IV in is more than I could bare.

This has been the most happiest, saddest, overwhelming, 3 months of my life. I never wanted to know what complete bed rest was, or what it was like to go into pre-term labor, or what a mediflight or ambulance ride was like. I never wanted to experience a labor that went so fast that I then received a natural and c-section birth. I didn't want to know what went on at Childrens hospital in Team 1, Team 2, or "The Village". Not knowing what a bradycardia or apnea or desat was would be fine as well. Sitting in a dark rooms watching monitors and listening to alarms has been our life for over a month, each step closer to going home is scary but one you look forward to. I hope to never experience anything like this again, but I would do it all over again for those two little boys.

Day 41 - That was NO circus!!

Ouuuch... We got circumsized today!