People, It Just Gets Worse

Today I had an ultrasound appointment just to confirm what was going on. Or at least that's what we thought was going to happen.

As Jimmy and I entered the ultrasound room I told the girl why we were there. I told her we were there to confirm that we were in fact having a miscarriage and that we did not expect to see any growth and no heart beat. That is not what we saw.

What we saw was that the baby had grown by a week, but it still is 3 weeks behind according to my LMP and about a week behind their estimation about two weeks ago. We also saw that it now has a heart beat, however this was not encouraging at all. A normal fetal heart beat is 140-160bpm, this was only 50-60bpm. We were all surprised and all baffled not what we expected at all. I see my OB tomorrow to go over all of this.

From what I've read on the Internet in almost all cases with everything that is going on there is still a miscarriage that happens, while I wish it were all good and well I had come to terms with that. Now this.

I only see this going 3 ways. I will still miscarry as there seems to be something wrong with the baby it's only measuring at 6 weeks and who know what kind of horrible decisions I might be faced with. There will be nothing wrong with the baby, this is all some kind of weird glitch and it will all be fine, or I will carry the baby to a certain point or deliver it and it will die, or I will have a disabled child.

Don't misunderstand I would love any child I have. I would care for them and get them only the best, but lets be real here no one really wants to be faced with this. We all want happy, healthy, full term babies.

Life sucks sometimes, ya know.