Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sentimental Much

While cleaning off my desk tonight, I stumbled across this picture.

As I looked at it I became a little teary eyed. I'm sure I'm not the only mother that does this, am I? Anyway as I studied the picture I felt several things. First I felt very proud at how happy the boys look, and how big they have gotten since this was taken. Then I felt a little sad. I felt sad for several reasons, the first being that at the time the picture was taken in December of 2006, we had only been home 3 months or so. Those were some hard times. I felt sad because my babies were born too early, sad that I really did not get to experience what it was like to have a "normal" healthy new born. If you will notice Kolton(on the left) has some wires sticking out of his box, and Karter(on the right)has a blue foam thing wrapped around his chest. These are the Apnea Monitors that we had for a long time. I also felt sad for a few moments that these may be my last babies. Jimmy and I have been talking for several months about weather we want any more children or not. I would love to have a little girl, however that can't be guaranteed. Also as the boys get older it gets easier, don't get me wrong new things that you have to confront pop up all the time, but when you are getting more sleep these things can be better dealt with. Also we are pretty nervous about possibly having multiples again and possibly having to deal with pre-term labor or births again. Have I said before that pre-term anything sucked? Well it did. Then I felt so thankful. Thankful to God above for sending his angles to stand beside my babies isolette then crib so they wouldn't feel alone while I was not there. Thankful for the doctors and nurses who did such a wonderful job with my babies and so very thankful that they are here, things have turned out so very good, they are fine and don't seem to have any delays or issues so far. As the sadness moved aside the thankfulness remains and I'm so proud of them and all they have achieved despite all the scars that remain, mentally for me and physically for them.

Ok, Ok- enough of the mushy stuff. Gosh all I wanted to do was clean off my very messy desk that very likely has not been cleaned since December of 2006.