I signed up for the Christmas Church Choir, we have had 2 practices so far. I always go into new things feeling insecure and unsure of my abilities but I trudge on knowing that in the end I will be glad I moved forward. With that said last night really tested those insecurities. We were placed in our respective groups, Men in men section, women divided up into alto's and soprano's, I can sing both but was put into the soprano's. I haven't sang in public or in a group setting for years. The first practice was good, no one really knew what was going or or what was expected.
The second practice was better until the person beside me got up and moved. She actually moved to another seat two rows behind me. Now, here is where my insecurities kick in. I admit I was listening to her to hear our part mostly because I was sitting in between her and the beginning of the alto's. I could hear both parts and wanted to make sure I was singing the right keys. And then she moved, leaving a seat empty between the lady next to her and me. After about 10 mins or so the lady on the other side of her voiced her concern that it was her that had made the lady move. Really, who knows why she moved. Maybe it was me, maybe it was the lady on her other side and maybe it was neither of us, but I was surprised at how quickly I assumed it was me.
I felt much like those American Idol contestants who just know they can sing and then are told quit frankly that they cannot only sing, but they sing horrible, the worst they have ever heard. And here's where I get a little confident. I know I can sing. It has been confirmed many times by credible sources. Not just my parents and friends, but a college establishment who gave me a scholarship for my first two years of college to sing in their college contemporary band. A college won't just give you money for their school and tell you to represent them if you can't sing.
So I will continue knowing I can sing but being insecure and unsure of myself right until the Christmas choir is over.