Saturday, July 26, 2008

Doing Ok.

We're doing OK here. Karter seems to be just fine running around like normal, eating normal, doing normal stuff. We tried very hard last week to get him in for at least an EKG sooner so we could at least know something more than he has a murmur on the right side of his heart. I got out my stethoscope that I have had for years the other night. I listened to his heart myself and I, with my untrained ear could hear the murmur. You know, I have to believe that had the doctor felt his life was in danger we would have been sent to Children's Hospital that day. I even asked the doctor if I had to worry that he was just going to "drop dead". He assured me no, but really how do we know. He didn't give us a diagnosis, he didn't tell us this was something minor and he would be fine. He did tell me that the x-ray didn't look bad, but there was some enlargement. I'm not sure he knows what he has done. Not just to me but really to my husband who was not at the appointment, didn't get the assurance from the doctor and didn't get his questions answered. Normally he could have called that night or the next day, but our doctor was leaving for two weeks the next day.

All kinds of bad things start going through your head. Such bad things as will these be the last days with Karter? Will he eventually need a heart transplant, will he die? So you do what any parent does and search then Internet, but you don't really have enough information so your see all kinds of scary things that basically say it's bad, it's all bad. It's awful that you can't get in to see the doctor sooner, what if something happens between now and then and if he had been seen sooner it could have been prevented. What if, What if, What if.... I hate that game. I played it already when they were in the NICU. I've already seriously thought about my kids dying. I've already watched them struggle to breath. I don't want to do anything like that EVER again.

Then the question comes. Why me, Why us, Why Karter. All this because we don't have answers. We won't until Aug 4th when they will do an echo cardiogram.

I have Faith that all is and will be fine. All I have is Faith right now because I sure don't have any answers.

It may sound like I'm having a really hard time dealing with this right now, but the truth is for now I'm dealing with it fine. That's the way I cope. I deal with it while I'm in the midst of it and it's when it's over that is when I have the hardest time.

I truly feel he will be fine, whether it be nothing big or whether he need some sort of medication. I know he and Kolton have Angels looking over them, and I continued to pray as I did that day in the NICU beside their isolette that God continue to keep them safe and those Angels continue to watch over them their whole life.

Today I had to take Kolton to the Urgent Care because he woke up with a rash all over his body and a fever. He had started getting the rash in the waiting room on Monday when I took Karter to the doctor. I showed him while we were there, but it was only on his stomach. The doctor said it looked fine nothing to worry about but to keep an eye on it. Well it came and went all week. It didn't seem to itch him and he was fine, not running a fever or anything. Today he looked awful when he woke up, had it all over his face, stomach, some on his legs and back. They tested him for strep, which was negative. They are testing for strep A but that takes several days to come back, so for now we have to give him Zyrtec and Benadryl for the rash. His fever stayed gone until the Tylenol wore off so before bed he got another dose of that. Through it all he has continued to act like he has felt OK so we shall see.


Eva said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this now. Dr. Google can make you crazy (it made me nuts when pregnant). What someone reminded me is, all the negative stuff is there, but there aren't web pages about what's NOT wrong. So it's very biased (of course you knew that, and I know it doesn't really help). I'll keep thinking good thoughts for little K.

Collegegirl said...

Ok Missy-Stay Calm!!! Google plus the internet will make you NUTS-do not go there!!! I have an enlarged heart that is about three times the normal size and they can not explain it. Do not worry over this. I know that is hard, but have faith! YOU and your family will get through this!!! Let me know if you need ANYTHING.

Hang in there!!

Collegegirl said...

You are so welcome for the comment. So they found out that I had an enlarged heart on my chest xray that I had with pneumonia about 2 years ago. Since then I go in for EKGs and xrays periodically.

As of right now they are not sure why it is enlarged. But thought since I take a good amount of steriods that it could be the cause. That went out the window since it is still enlarged though. It is also not hurting me right now though.

As long as it just is enlarged and not being rough, I will stay off of meds. But if it starts messing with my breathing, then meds will be an option.

Questions are ALWAYS welcome!!!

Hang in there