Thursday, August 28, 2008

Confession Time

I have phobia's. To be more precise I have a phobia of driving places that I don't know how to get to even if I follow someone or if I would get to go to some place really cool. If it involves driving in a busy city where there is lots of room for error I won't go, unless someone else drives.

When my brother called and asked me earlier this week if I would like to go to the Omniplex with him and his wife and Collin, as soon as the words left his mouth I thought how would I get there? His car does not have enough room for all of us and neither does mine. My mother has the same phobia, which I believe it where I learned it from. Anyway, I wanted to go but knew that because of my fears unless someone else drove then I would not be going along. Yesterday, his wife called to see if I would be going. I had thought all week about it and thought to myself that I should beat this fear and just follow them, but I couldn't. I'm not sure what I'm exactly afraid of, but now that I have kids I certainly don't want to take chances. I think mostly I'm afraid of getting lost or not knowing where to go and being so indecisive that I might cause an accident. Now most people, my family included, would say well you just pull over and regroup, figure out where you are and then move on. I say to this the thought of even having to do this is anxiety inducing.

Now with all that said I have faced my fears many times before, I have driven hundreds of miles, with my brother, who also has this phobia to some existent, to visit our mom in Indiana when she lived there. I have also driven to the east end of the our state to visit my mom when she lived there as well. I made it safely I didn't get lost, no one got hurt and I didn't have to be admitted to any hospitals for panic attacks, thankfully.

I believe this is a learned behavior from my mother who got it from her mother. Our family can have anxious tendencies sometimes. With that said I hope to break this cycle with my kids. I don't want them to be afraid to do something so simple as drive someplace and someplace cool at that.

I have gotten better, lots better especially since our move recently. I'm driving places that once were anxiety inducing to me. I hope to one day be able to go anywhere I want by driving there myself. Until then I'll stay a little more close to home.